My biggest fear about vanlife, aside from the cold winter nights, was that I/we would lose connection with people. That by not being in one place most of the time, we would always feel on the edge and at a distance from friends and community. But as it’s turned out, that's not been the case at all.
Whether it’s because we’re making more of an effort to stay in touch and be involved with things. Or because friends have reached out to us and offered help and support in different ways. Or we’re just doing/being what we love to do/be. Whatever, it just feels good and healthy and HOME. In spite of the set-backs and struggles with solar, the price of fuel, running out of water, the loo overflowing one time….
A friend asked me an interesting question the other day. About this thing of belonging and what it means to me. Immediately I thought of an interview on Youtube I watched recently. Brene Brown talking about belonging and the freedom that comes when you come home to yourself. Also, this quote from St Augustine of Hippo, from way back (354–430), talking about finding his belonging in God: “You have made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”
Over the years I’ve led a fairly transient life. One day in lockdown I wrote down all the places I’ve ever lived (47), all the countries I’ve been to (40) and all the jobs I’ve had, paid and unpaid (93). Which wasn’t too much of a surprise but interesting to see in black and white, all the same.
At points along the way I’ve longed for a sense of belonging. With a place or a group or a community. And there’s been times when I’ve felt one or two or all of those things. But there’s also been times when I’ve not. At all. And usually at those times I’ve gone in search of belonging. Either by moving house, job, country or travelling.
Over the years I’ve thought about it in different ways. Adventuring with the Spirit, finding my calling, being on a healing journey or simply just moving on. Each time has been different. Exciting, bewildering, freeing, exhausting. In all the ups and downs though, I’ve never felt completely lost or completely alone. There’s always been a sense of being held, deep down. And loved.
So I think what I’m trying to say is that belonging, to me, now, is about giving in. Giving in to being loved. And being who I am. Who I’ve been made to be. Whether I’m part of a group or not. Or a community. Or a place. Belonging isn't dependent on those things. And therein lies the freedom.
I guess I just feel more alive living like this. More connected. Not just to people but to the elements and seasons. Creation and the Creator. Thankful for beauty and sunsets. And the peace of belonging wherever.
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